Stylishly Gentle: Parenting Like God Parents Us

Happy Friday my loves! I hope this week treated you well. I’m currently typing this as I enjoy my stay in Phoenix. Love that for me! This week’s topic came to me earlier in the week when I had to handle a situation with a student. So, let’s get into it.

You know the saying, “I’m not your friend. I’m your parent.”? Yeah… well, I hate that idiom. I believe it to be rooted in toxicity, and it’s not beneficial.

Growing up I’ve always loved kids! I don’t know what it is and why, but they bring me so much joy. I worked in the nursery at my church when I was a teenager; had a blast! I worked in the mall assisting with the pictures with Santa and the Easter Bunny and I loved that too! I also was a student teacher at my dance studio and that was fun for me as well. Children naturally gravitate towards me, and I do the same. It’s wild because I never even once considered a career that centered around kids and here I am — a teacher. I realize I have a passion for children and their development.

As I get older I think about what I’ll be like as a mom. Being a mom is something I can’t wait (I can, but you know what I mean) to be. I’m constantly using what I experience as a teacher to guide me for when that time falls upon me. I have a few friends and peers who are parents, and I subconsciously learn from them. I also take my own experiences as a child dealing with adults to teach me, too!

So back to that god-awful idiom our people have developed: “I’m not your friend. I’m your parent.” What a nasty thing to say to a child. Parents should be their child’s friend — their first friend at that. Just because a parent is responsible for their child’s wellbeing and development doesn’t mean they can’t also be their friend. Just because a parent has to discipline their child doesn’t mean they can’t be their friend. Just because a parent has to set expectations and boundaries doesn’t mean they can’t be their friend.

What is a friend? A friend is defined by a bond of mutual affection, trust, and loyalty. True friends offer support, honesty, and a sense of security. The relationship is built on shared values, experiences, and mutual respect—even through disagreements. Friends hold each other accountable. So why can’t that be a parent and their child?

Some argue that it can’t because a parent has to discipline. But discipline is simply education. It’s not about being a tyrant. It’s teaching someone what to do and what not to do based on morals and beliefs.

When I think about parenting, I think about the ultimate parent — God. And He calls us, His children, His friends. In John 15:15, Jesus literally says, “I no longer call you servants… I have called you friends.” He says this right after explaining that He shares His heart, His plans, and His love with us — which is what friends do.

Friendship with God is based on closeness, not perfection. You don’t have to be flawless. You don’t have to have everything figured out. Friendship with God means you talk to Him, walk with Him, trust Him, and let Him guide you. God listens when no one else does, supports you without switching up, loves unconditionally, corrects you gently because He wants you to grow, and shows up for you. He’s consistent, patient, safe, and present.

God’s friendship is personal. Think about David in the Psalms — he talked to God about EVERYTHING: his fears, frustration, joy, mistakes, confusion, dreams. That’s friendship. But God is still God. He’s not just a friend; He’s a Father, Lord, protector, and provider. So it’s friendship with reverence — closeness with someone who deeply loves you but also created you. And THAT is what being a parent should look like.

Many people are against gentle parenting, but I believe that is how God parents us. Being against “gentle parenting” is, in my opinion, contradictory to the Bible.

Proverbs 15:4 says, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”

Use gentle words and tone. When giving direction or correction, prioritize calm, respectful communication.
Be intentional with teaching. Don’t just say “do this.” Explain why — guide their heart and character, not just their behavior. God does that with us. Yes, we should be obedient because He says so, but He also gives us understanding.
Set clear, consistent boundaries. Gentleness and firmness are not opposites. You can be both.

Be mindful of how your schedule, moods, and communication might frustrate or discourage a child. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, don’t make your children angry, but raise them with the kind of teaching and training you learn from the Lord.” If your child isn’t understanding you, you need to figure out how to meet them where they are. Jesus taught with analogies and parables for that reason.

Subtract your frustration and emotions from your discipline. Children are sensitive. Treat them as valued individuals created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and as blessings (Psalm 127). Help them feel loved, secure, and respected.

At the end of the day, parents often forget their child is human just like them. Think about how often God gives you grace. Think about how many times you’ve fallen short and He still treats you with gentleness, love, and patience. Be that to your children.

You want your children to come to you about everything. They shouldn’t be scared to talk to you because they’re afraid of your reaction. They shouldn’t feel stupid or ashamed when they make mistakes.

Be their friend.

Stylishly yours,

Azha Moné