Stylishly Delayed (But Not Denied)

Happy Good Friday, y’all! I’m so excited to have the next week off from work for Spring Break. It is much needed. We just wrapped up state testing, and I’ve been getting my classes ready for their final performance in May. I have 68 students in the show. Miss A is tide chile. I’ve been spending many long hours at the school; figuring out costumes, planning the show, choreographing, rehearsals every day after school cleaning the dances – it’s been a lot. I’m both anxious and excited to see our work come to life.

But enough of that, let’s get into the reason we’re all here.

Tuesday, I was on the phone with customer service for my credit card – y’all know how that goes. I was speaking with the customer service agent, and she asked for my name. I said my name, then she asked me to repeat it. If you know me, then you know I HATE repeating myself. As I sternly repeated myself, the Holy Spirit convicted me. I don’t remember what He said exactly, but to paraphrase, he said, “Don’t be mean. Be patient.”

So that’s what we’re talking about this week: Patience. Yeah, you’re reading this, but I’m really just talking to myself.

Patience is not my strong suit. I am someone who has a hard time with waiting. I like things to get to the point, to go quickly. I like for things to happen on my time, and when they don’t, I get annoyed, anxious, or even discouraged. This shows up everywhere in my life — relationships, job applications, daily routines, work…

I hate traffic. I hate the process of getting my nails and hair done, especially if it’s braids. I hate long meetings that go in circles. I hate long lines that aren’t moving efficiently. I don’t even like long car rides if I’m not the one driving. The list goes on.

But I realized that God is trying to teach me patience, and He’s been doing it for a long time. When I was in third grade, I auditioned for a lead role in my school’s play, Aristocats. I didn’t get the role I auditioned for, and I was overly distraught. I told my mom about it, and she told me, “Delayed is not denied. God may have something better for you.” And yeah, I heard her, but I was eight and I wasn’t tryna hear all that. I wanted what I wanted. I felt like I deserved it. I was pissed.

A couple of weeks later, I had auditions for a Debbie Allen Dance Residency production. I made it, of course. Being in Debbie Allen’s Brothers of the Knight is waaay better than an elementary school production of Aristocats. If I had gotten the lead role in the school play, I wouldn’t have been able to do the dance production. Rehearsals were at the same time.

After the auditions, my mom was like, “See, Azha! I told you God had something better for you.” I’ll never forget that. It taught me that what feels like a ‘no’ might just be a ‘not yet.’ Or a ‘there’s something better.’

And it’s a lesson I’ve had to relearn — especially when it comes to love and relationships.

Last week, I talked about how I’m ready to be married. Now obviously marriage is a huge commitment – understatement, really – and I know it’s not something to rush into. But people say, “When you know, you know.” And I thought I knew who my forever person was. To be honest, I lowkey thought that about each person I’ve dealt with seriously. But as time went on and the masks came off, I realized those relationships weren’t a healthy love for me.

As someone with ADHD, I tend to move off emotion — make decisions impulsively. That definitely plays into my struggle with waiting. When I get excited about someone or something, my brain starts chasing dopamine, and I want it now. But I’ve learned that love isn’t supposed to feel like confusion or anxiety. It’s supposed to feel safe. Steady. Sure. The kind of love I want — and the kind I know God has for me — won’t require me to beg, shrink, or chase. It’ll meet me where I am, and it’ll be right.

The waiting is also protection. I was so ready to commit to the wrong people. So focused on trying to make it work that I ignored red flags, gut feelings, and even God's whispers. But love that’s meant for me won’t require me to settle for less than I deserve.

And that brings me back to patience.

The situation I called customer service about on Tuesday was annoying, but it wasn’t the customer service agent’s fault. I had to correct myself, take a breath, and choose calm. Because God isn’t asking us to be perfect — He’s just asking us to pause. To breathe. To trust that His timing is better than ours. He’s not withholding anything — He’s holding it for the right time.

We may want things to happen how and when we think they should. But often, God is using the waiting to prepare us — not to punish us. So that when we finally arrive at what we’ve been praying for, we’re ready to receive it and appreciate it fully.

The waiting is preparation.
The waiting is protection.
The waiting is a blessing in disguise.

So if you're like me — someone who hates waiting — I hope this reminds you to breathe. To be patient. To trust that what’s meant for you won’t miss you. God isn’t late. He’s just working on something you’re gonna be real glad you waited for.

Stylishly yours,

Azha Moné